Let's determine which FRIENDS character you most closely resemble by taking this short quiz posted below. If you've seen the show a few times, or if like me...you're a bit of a junkie, you may already know which character you identify with.
FRIENDS Quiz
Each of the characters represent some qualities that are important in a lasting and meaningful interpersonal relationship. If you want to know more about some qualities found in meaningful relationships read on to see what the Texas State University Counseling Center offers as some helpful tips.
'We genuinely need people we can trust to tell us the truth, even when it is difficult to hear. Shallow acquaintances are easy to come by, but they usually fade fast, leaving us with little or no lasting worth. On the other hand, healthy, caring relationships with family, friends, colleagues and significant others can give our lives immeasurable joy and meaning. Like most things of value in life, these relationships must be sought and maintained deliberately. Meaningful relationships take hard work and conscious effort.
Qualities of Meaningful Relationships
There are many qualities that mark sound, durable relationships. Among them are:
- honesty (Rachel is consistently open with her feelings and emotions)
- strong two-way communication (Monica and Chandler really work to ensure that their relationship has this quality)
- caring reciprocity (a give and take)
- empathy (This quality is often associated with Phoebe)
- commitment (This quality can be found in Ross, a devoted father to his two children)
- ability to laugh at selves and the world (The quality can often be found in Joey)
- respectful confrontation of trouble spots
- patience
- thoughtfulness
- mutual respect
- willingness to compromise
Sounds good but how does one attract and maintain such friendships or loving relationships?
Step 1 - Develop Your Self-Esteem
The best place to start in trying to attract healthy people to you is to be as healthy as you can be yourself. This means becoming comfortable with who you are, what you are about and where you are headed. Think, read and write about what you value, what is worth pursuing in life. It is a slow and evolving process to become a genuine, authentic individual, but it is highly desirable. Besides that, to be an independent, strong individual is attractive to others. We generally like and respect people who:
- Calmly articulate and stand by well-thought-out opinions and decisions
- Express self acceptance in a healthy, not cocky (not Joey), way
- Take responsibility for their actions, decisions and own happiness
- Have a sense of where they are headed and why
- Know they are not perfect and target faulty thought patterns or behaviors for change
Step 2 - Learn to Communicate Well
Learn how to initiate conversations and then how to keep them going. Good conversationalists have opinions and thoughts to share; they read, keep up with world events and like to learn about many things. Equally as important is a person’s ability to be a good listener. Listening shows a genuine interest in and respect for the other person.
Body language, or non-verbal communication, is an important ingredient in communication. Crossed arms, a stern tone, poor eye contact and poor posture send the wrong messages. Be aware of how you communicate non-verbally and what messages you are sending with your gestures.
Step 3 - Choose Carefully Places to Go and Activities to Do
You have to go where you are likely to meet people with similar interests and values. Bars and alcoholic parties are not your best bet; try clubs, academic classes, hobby classes, fitness activities, places of religious worship, lectures, cultural events or self-growth groups. Don’t always wait for others to initiate things. Call people, drop them cards or e-mail, stay connected with them. Or sit in our very own "Central Perk" on campus at Einstein's or Starbucks and catch up with an old friend.
Step 4 - Have a Positive Attitude Towards Others
Cultivate an open and non-judgmental attitude towards others. You can learn something from everyone you meet; be tolerant and respectful of others and their differences. Don’t block someone out simply because they don’t share your views; you may be giving up an opportunity to learn something valuable. How do you think civility plays a role in meaningful interpersonal relationships?
Step 5 - Avoid Common Interpersonal Pitfalls
Be aware of the pitfalls to meaningful interaction; if you recognize one in yourself, do something to change it. The following qualities are almost certain to damage relationships:
- Having unrealistic expectations of yourself, the other person or the relationship in general
- Coming too close too soon, physically or psychologically
- Being negative about self, the relationship or life
- Being a rescuer, a martyr, a savior or a "perfect" person
- Trying to change the other person to suit your needs
- Being too self-centered, judgmental, or always "right"
- Stockpiling strong feelings - anger, pain, sadness, neediness - and then pouring them all out at once
- Expecting the other person to be a mind reader, a fixer or always a rock of stability for you
- Crowding and smothering the other person, expecting him/her to meet all your needs and spend all his/her time with you
And finally, be yourself! Knowing who you are and what you believe in is important but being able to express that person is knowledge in action and will be rewarded in reciprocal, meaningful relationships.
Source: http://www.counseling.txstate.edu/resources/shoverview/bro/meaningfulrel.htmlTake some time today or this week and call up an old friend from home, maybe make that call to you parent(s) or sibling(s) and just ask about their day. Make the initiative to demonstrate that you really care about who they are and what they have meant in your life.
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